The adventures of the Ukulele kid

Day 15 7/12/16 (Wednesday)

Posted on December 12, 2016 by ukekid99

Went to the Quezon City circle for a run with Sir Lem, we also ran on the way there too. Although it turns out that running past stray dogs isn’t a wise idea. After a decent few laps of the circle we took a break and I suggested a race around the oval. It was completely exhausting but most satisfying to fly by all the joggers for a lap.

Nearby Zumba was playing ultra motivational one direction music, I’ve had my cynical thoughts about Zumba but the way the leader was going at it left no doubt it was burning calories like wildfire.

The monument itself was very impressive. There was a bit of litter around the place from a recent event though. But be honest and tell me it doesn’t remind you of the tower of Sauron? Or something else out of the lord of the rings?

Those clouds are straight out of a Greek myth….

And then when the sky had lightened up a little:

Went for a walk around the park explaining the geocaching concept and how there was apparently one in this park. The Philippines are rather devoid of geocaches but I’m sure I’ll get down to finding one at some point in my trip here.

We then decided to visit Pure Gold (not the worst shop name I’ve ever heard) to shop for something that Sir Lem couldn’t remember. I just ended up buying more Gatorade as I hadn’t brought along my “emergency bottle” for the run.

As a side note it seems that waving to teenage girls here makes them scream. I’m English. Waving is our second language. But good grief they made a fuss out of it.

Sir Lem and I wandered over to Savemore (definitely not the worst shop name I’ve ever heard) constantly ribbing each other like there’s no 9 year difference in our friendship. A full day before 8 o clock I’d say.

Back at the dorm I envisioned a day of rest. After all….No classes today! Yay! There was a bit of dorm cleaning to do though. I got down to using this funky looking broom. I call it the bed hair broomstick.

Due to the absence of a piano in the dorm I went back to college to do some singing practice like the diligent student I am. Sweet Irish melodies spilled from my lips. It got all over the piano actually… What a mess.

After defeating a strange attraction to eating potatoes for lunch I made some tuna and sweet corn sandwiches with a bit of mayonnaise. I could live off this stuff and I might end up doing just that. Dormitory life has given me a healthy appreciation for food that is cheap, food that is easy and food that is quick. Sandwiches and toast have become my staple diet. Not that this has changed much from when I was in Australia.

While I was eating pudding (a cinnamon ring) I got talking with 2 Chinese fellows and being the language lover that I am I started to question them. However, it was soon clear that they spoke 2 slightly different dialects so naturally I entertained myself for 20 minutes by asking them about various phrases and listening to the ensuing argument. Normally this was accompanied with much dramatic hand waving and frenetic shaking of heads. By far Chinese is seemingly the best language to argue in. It just sounds excellent, like every other word is a curse word or an expression of exasperation. In the end one of them imparted this wisdom to me: “If you want to learn Chinese, never ask two Chinamen at the same time”.

While I am here I might write a book. The art of sleeping and nap times. In this country I know that the comfort of the place you sleep matters not compared to how hot or cold it is. Hence I slept for 3 hours on the floor of the dorm with a fan over me. No mattress or blankets. Just a floor and a fan.

When I arose from my slumber it was just about time to don my formal trousers and set off for the prayer meeting. A black cat joined in the service too but got scared off by the hymn singing. After that I continued a bit with my piano practice before deciding it was about time to be going to bed. If only I knew how difficult that might be…

The key I was supplied with didn’t work. This led me to pacing back and forth wondering what to do. In the end I decided that since the bottom door was locked perhaps the balcony one had been left open, so I climbed up onto the balcony by using a metal gate as a stand and scaling the cult church wall (useful for something apparently). Parkour will never fail me. So yay, I made it up there. Sadly the dorm lads had been thorough and locked the balcony door to stop people like me getting in. So I ended up “trapped” on the balcony. At least I had the time to set up my bed, and once the room leader returned he let me back in (but was slightly confused as to how I had magically teleported up there).

Finally for my dinner Sir Lem showed me a restaurant where it was established that I had no head whatsoever for spicy food. I couldn’t even handle the hot sauce… we also had this random guy come us and conveniently sell us some pudding (shown below) in the middle of the restaurant. It’s a biscuit which tastes remarkably like apple pie, it’s definitely got cinnamon in too. Take a look:

I’m really hoping that tonight is the night I get a good fulfilling rest.

Day 14 (6/12/2016)

Posted on December 11, 2016 by ukekid99

It’s beginning to look a lot like Chris….Oh wait. No, they started that in September. How is it over there in your respective countries? Are the lights up yet? Are you already sick of Christmas carols? The Philippines has been in Christmas mode since September and to me I can’t imagine the streets without the lanterns up.

Special breakfast mention:

These things:

Master B style: cut in half and lathered in butter

Miss B style: Just eat it like you would a biscuit. Grab, bite and eat.

I wasn’t particularly partial to either one style. I enjoy them both, these savoury scones as they are called were rather tasty and puzzling to me who has only ever had sweet scones with cream and jam. (As is proper I might add).

So my morning consisted of lugging my luggage back to the mostly abandoned dorm. Once I had established that everyone was at class and the rapture was yet to come I had a sit down in the balcony eating Mammon. Not mammoth (yet) but mammon. It’s the squishy bread snack I mentioned earlier. I did take a photo for you guys this time though.

I call it God gifting manna to the Israelites:

Went to class (piano pedagogy) and I’m greeting people by name at last. I feel some genuine friendships forming and coincidentally my Facebook friend count has recently soared. In class I learnt about becoming a piano teacher and it was fascinating to see piano lessons from the other perspective. Maybe this will aid me when I set up piano lessons in Australia.

Went back to the B’s for lunch and some scrumptious pumpkin cake. But because I can never seem to sit still in this country I took a tricycle back to college. Now… Tricycles are my favourite mode of transport here, the nippiness, the feel of the wind but this tricycle should have been scrapped decades ago. It’s brakes would have woken up the dead and rendered them deaf.

There is something about church pews. They weren’t meant for classes. In biological terms the gluteus maximus undergoes hyper-achiness due to the mitochondria (which we all know to be the powerhouse of the cell) are being squished by the unforgiving wooden boards.

But despite that I learnt about the flaws of Catholicism (there are quite a few it seems). I think my favourite is the ex cathedra utterance, this is when the pope sits on his throne and declares something, it is always infallible according to catholic teachings. That being said… If one pope declared Joan of Arc a witch and burned her and another made her a saint then which is she? Which one said something fallible?

My classes ended at 6pm and so I was fairly starving by the time I got back to the dorm. Which was locked. Marvellous, I’m getting my key tomorrow, full student or not. I will admit to missing chapel (shame upon my soul) but I hadn’t started eating until 7pm and I still had to get my bags unpacked. I embraced my toaster which I’d missed over the weekend and happily put it to work again

The evening was uneventful but by no means a waste. I’m ready to run tomorrow (apparently in a new location) and I’m looking forward to that.

Day 13 5/12/16 (Monday) Mostly dodging death…

Posted on December 9, 2016 by ukekid99

Thoroughly full after a 2:30am breakfast of rice, bacon, chicken and a banana I set off once again for Manila. It went a bit better this time, I managed to sleep (not on the floor) and walking through the city was much more manageable with the cooler climate. ‘Twas not without its challenges though.

We did end up being refused by a taxi in the middle of a highway. He waved us off and then we were trapped in a ring of blaring horns (myself carrying a large piece of luggage and a ukulele). Praise the lord I wasn’t run over whilst escaping that death trap.

The second near death experience was also a bit of a surprise. Namely being that the jeepney decided that it’s better for me to depart while it’s still moving, we called stop, he waited 3 seconds and took off again. I jumped down off the moving vehicle and then narrowly avoided the oncoming herd of traffic. (Picture the wildebeest stampede in The Lion King).

So before 9 o clock I had dodged the scythe of the grim reaper twice and was ready to enjoy my life while I still could.

Back at the B’s I had my second breakfast and walked my hobbit feet up to my room where I saw this.

The sign is a little hard to read but it says welcome back. Such a sweet kid. I nearly decapitated myself it’s true but it’s the thought that counts.

We caught a taxi to a shopping mall called green hills and I bought a white elephant gift? I think that’s the right term, later on it’ll be in a secret Santa game. The minimum was 300 pesos spent so I bought some head themed gear. A trilby (the fashion never dies) a head massager (looks like a whisk) and a neck pillow which is most often used on an airplane. If I end up giving myself those gifts I will be rather happy actually. And when I think about it I’ve never seen a Filipino wearing a trilby. There’s a first time for everything I suppose.

Next we ordered some lemonade at a stall and I watched the lady squash fresh lemons with a slightly evil looking machine. I smiled, took the drinks and handed them to the B family. They specifically requested natural but I had a small hunch that 3 lemons worth might be a touch too sour. It was. So with some added syrup we set off to the pearl changae.

Now according to Mr B the changae is a large number of stalls in a given area. I imagined a market sized setup but I have never in my life seen so many pearls in one spot. Look at this:

And that is one shop in one row. There were easily 10 rows 5 deep. All of them looked like they’d had an oyster hooked on steroids for the last 30 years. There some beautiful jade bracelets as well, my personal favourite though was a honey coloured necklace made out of citrine. As an ex-beekeeper I feel confident in saying it looked like honey had been pressed into perfect golden spheres. But Mrs B mentioned that pearls are like marbles here which explained why none of the storekeepers minded the 11 year old who was crawling round under the stalls looking for spares or bits that had dropped off. We walked out of that changae with our pockets jingling.

At home the Christmas lights were being put up (the traditional lantern type)

Like this:

Twinkle, sparkle, shiny….. Hang on…

But suddenly I remembered I had a singing lesson in 15 minutes! Panic!!!

One speedy tricycle later…

Well my first official voice lesson was pretty interesting. I am classed as a baritone with a range of F (2 below middle C) and a D one octave higher than middle C. Not bad I think. Overall the singing lesson went over time by half an hour because I and my teacher were so enthusiastic to just do “one more thing”. I learnt about breathing exercises, sang a couple of hymns and as a treat am going to learn an Irish folk song. All is well.

Dinner was a TV dinner with the B’s tonight. I was introduced to a hilarious show known as Dick van dyke. American humour apparently, but it had me in stitches. It also showed gorgeous 50s fashion, nice

suits, pretty hairstyles and classy American-ness.

I whiled away the evening listening to beautiful classical music (Christmas carols as well), all in the glow of the twinkling, blurry Christmas lights (I had my glasses off). Evan was asking me why we were just lying there, I suppose soon. He’ll realise that it’s more of a luxury than it seems. Time is the most valuable thing we own. I nearly fell asleep watching the hypnotic motions of Lydia crocheting a blanket into creation.

When I did fall asleep (later in bed) I had a pretty odd dream. My dream consisted of me hanging from a climbing frame… in an arena… fighting skeletons and dinosaurs, and skeleton dinosaurs. Only Filipino food can make dreams like that….

Day 12 4/12/16 (Sunday)

Posted on December 8, 2016 by ukekid99

Readers might just have to put up with the weekends being a little short. Apologies but that’s life. On the upside I have a small story for you. And it includes these lovely fellows:

So I’d come to notice that there were an extraordinary number of pigeons dwelling on the church rooftop and even though there was a birdhouse nearby I was puzzled as to why they didn’t fly off and enjoy the day. I marched over to inspect the aforementioned pigeons and observed that they didn’t seem to be too bothered about close human contact. So I moved closer… And closer… And closer still. I could get within 1m before they walked away from me. But they didn’t fly away or anything. Eventually I walked towards a corner and well…cornered them until they were balancing on the edge of the roof. And then it struck me. I yelled over to Kuya A “Can these pigeons actually fly or what?!?”. He glanced over and shook his head. Ah. Oh dear they’ve had their wings clipped… How mean of me. This reminds me of the Disney producers who chased lemmings over a cliff. I had very nearly caused 15 pigeons to plummet to their death while I wondered why they were so attracted to the rooftop. Oops.

I love how the brown one is ready to take death like a man. He sees the end and stands tall, strong and proud. Go ahead! See if I care about a little death.

Speaking of said roof here is a picture of me when in alive and well. And a bit sleepy. I had just finished playing some carols and was taking a short stroll. Yes, that’s my Barong, how kind of to notice.

A word on the mosquitoes here:

Got you, you little B******

They are everywhere it must be said and I appear to be rather tasty but so far I have not contracted dengae fever and I’m taking a malaria pill every day which should protect me from that.

As is now sort of tradition on a Sunday night the pastor, Kuya J and A and I would head out for the evening to the downtown. Kiya J showed me an arcade, this was not the crazy Japanese type of arcade I was expecting but it had some pretty unique games. I tried the basketball machine (the normal one where you throw basketballs through the hoop) and in the healthy competitive spirit I suggested a competition.

Now… I can only claim insanity and amnesia for this. It hasn’t even been a week since I was thrashed and I was pleased I managed a respectable score of 37 shots. However in the Philippines that’s respectable for a 3 year old child who’s had both his arms amputated. And is blind. Without a basketball. My friend… Well Kuya J managed to get 217 shots. Still not the high score of 280 but I think we found out who is better.

So in the evening I went for an Asian massage.

Wait!

Stop!

Cease and desist!

Let me explain.

Okay so we all know the terrible connotations that it brings but this was no such place. I’m studying at a bible college for crying out loud! Nevertheless the massage was rather pleasant and I very nearly fell asleep in the middle of it.

You know I’ve come to like jeepneys. Mostly depending on the height of the ceiling (hence the amount of head banging) and secondly the craziness of the driver. I’ve never felt so safe in traffic before and the craziness in this place just gets you places faster. I’m probably going to fall asleep in Australian traffic. I’ll also completely terrify whoever judges me on my P plates. I think it would be worthwhile to learn how to drive a jeepney here and take one on the roads of Adelaide. That’ll be fun…

…and so it’s off to bed hoping to be ready for the (frankly) ungodly hour I have to get up.

Day 11 3/12/16 (Saturday) I wonder if a human can die from lack of sleep?

Posted on December 8, 2016 by ukekid99

I wonder if a human can die from lack of sleep? Probably. A mere 5 hours since the time of my last entry and I’m up, showered and about to have breakfast.

So it seems that my 9am entertainment was having fun with a machete. I had come down the stairs to see the pastor attacking a tree (pruning is probably the more appropriate term) and as I’m nearly the tallest person in the Philippines I offered to help him. Besides, one should never ignore the opportunity to capture an action shot.

Next it was time to help Kuya A. He needed some musical help with using an old friend of mine. Musescore. A music software program I used to use and really did not expect to find here in the Philippines. So for an hour or two I spent my time plotting out violin music on a blank music sheet.

All in all I lasted about 3 hours before I needed a nap. Tis a cruel world I live in, one that rules me by prying away possible adventure time in the form of slumber. That stole away my day until 2pm. When I woke up I was served a slightly strange lunch. Whether it’s normal for them or whether they really want me to try new foods I don’t know. But I always eat completely different courses straight after each other. Today I started with some sweet tasting spaghetti bolognese and moved straight onto fried fish and rice… Individually they were delicious courses. The overlapping flavours however… It probably tasted strange, even to them

The church practice session I played some carols on the ukulele. Which I must say is well suited to the occasion. Carols are joyful and slightly carefree. Hence I was. Actually I felt so relaxed compared to the rigid posture and precision of the violins who were beside me. Like, I’m just chilling here with my uke, how’s it goin? It’s terribly hard to be serious.

Instead of a peanut butter sandwiches the pastor walks in this time with pork crackling. A bag full to the brim of pork crackling. This hospitality is getting a little bit surreal.

After that Kuya J and I went around the neighbourhood offering flyers to people who were interested (I learnt the word for “free”). We also went to a house where the children (ranging from 4 to 18) had recently become Christians but their parents had not. So we went to encourage them and to pray with them. Actually when I was sitting down an 8 year old walked in, he just gaped at me and said “oh my gosh!”. White people are truly shocking it seems. My Tagalog put them into hysterics but they could understand me okay. These people were living in something little better than a shack. There was one lightbulb for the whole house, and yet they seemed remarkably happy. Riches really can’t buy happiness.

A small secret: between you and me (and the rest of the Internet). Filipinos are afraid of the rain. This is something that, being British, makes me laugh and despair at the same time. As we were walking back from that house it started to rain, immediately Kuya J and Kuya J number 2 took out their flannels and put them over their heads. They implored me to get out of the rain as it will most definitely make me sick. They wouldn’t last 5 minutes in the U.K, it has to be said. We even stopped at a house for shelter until it cleared up, it wasn’t a torrential thunderstorm, as a matter of fact it was quite warm tropical rain. Like a shower. Except most of the showers here don’t have hot water so probably not like a shower.

That’s the day today. A bit short but much rest was needed after my journey….

Try doing that every weekend.

Day 10 2/12/16 (Friday)

Posted on December 7, 2016 by ukekid1136

Some might consider it a bit frightening when you fall sleep alone wake up to find that half the dorm seems to have camped out on the balcony with you. I don’t know when they came out to join me and it didn’t even register until breakfast time that they had just appeared about of thin air. I knew I was a deep sleeper but I didn’t think that an entire encampment could set up beds around me and I wouldn’t even stir…

While I’m on the topic of not noticing things it took me 3 days before someone clued me in that one of the dorm members here actually wears a wig! I’ve mistaken that guy for 2 different people and it’s driven me up the wall when one of them always seemed to be missing. That’s embarrassing of me… And now everyone across the world can read it for a little chuckle.

As I was walking towards the college this morning I came across a bunch of street kids who were cheering on some stray dogs that were fighting. Their little faces were alight with excitement as they stood upon an abandoned tricycle.

Once I was back in the land of wifi I had a Skype call with my father as it’s his birthday today. I told him I love him and to have a great day, he was excited because he had pancakes for breakfast… I know it’s bad I’m missing family member’s birthdays (and Christmas and new year) but I guess that’ll teach dad for missing my 13th birthday. I might add “grudge holding” to my résumé when I return.

Final session today! Meanwhile I’m steadily working through every Gatorade flavour available, it seems to be the best known cure for overheating over here as multiple people asked if I drank any after my dizzy episode.

This afternoon I saw the worst traffic I have ever seen… And that’s saying something. Must be the rain, why a bit of water slows things down is beyond me. Interestingly the government has tried to allay this problem. With the license plate of a vehicle. You see you can only drive in the road at certain times according to the last number of your license plate, that’s what helps you pick out a car at a dealership. That, and the might of the air conditioner.

Got back to the dorm. Was a touch peckish so I munched on the suman from the other day. It’s one of the only Filipino foods I can remember the name of. The texture is unlike anything else I can call to mind. Imagine if you will, chewing something with the consistency of play dough but is a whole lot sweeter. I’m banking on the fact that everyone ate play dough in kindergarten like I did and still retain the memory of the taste like I do.

I’ve been in the Philippines for over a week now and if there is anything I’ve not discussed that you’re curious about then please send me a question (via the contact page). I’ll answer when I can (probably in a future blog). Perhaps you’re wondering if you yourself might like a trip to the Philippines… Perhaps you wonder if it’s as bad as you’ve heard, or perhaps you want to know about the safety regulations jeepneys follow (hint: there aren’t any). So by all means, fire away.

In my way out back to the college I passed my brother who was pouring coffee into his bowl of rice, it took me 30 seconds to close my gaping mouth and ask him what in the world he is doing. Apparently it’s easy, tasty and cheap. Despite those wonderful attributes I can’t quite being myself to eat coffee with rice. Last time I had caffeine I took 3 days off sick and that wouldn’t be very helpful here.
Tonight marks the last worship service of the weeklong conference. I finally heard the choir perform their pieces and it was like heaven crashed through the roof and landed on the stage. Just before I set off for Olongapo again I was involved in many many many photographs. The love of many photographs is (I believe) an extremely Asian love but specifically the Filipinos aren’t happy until they have a normal shot, wacky shot and selfie with everyone in the room.

Here is me with Sir Lem

Finally I was finished and ready to set off once again to olongapo (which I’ve discovered is not pronounced how I thought it was). All of you guys will be saying it right, I thought it used a Filipino construct where the “ng” makes a sound similar to the end of the word “dang”. Uni don’t actually end up pronouncing the “g”. Anyway. So I chatted to my Japanese speaking singing teacher, and then boarded the bus. There was a slight problem. It was full. Quite full in fact and with hardly a care in the world I took a nap on the floor of the aisle. Kuya A took this photo of me and though it’s very dark you can see me lying sideways in the middle.

The wheels on the bus go round and round… Round and round… Round and round… And round and round… And round and round…….

At the Olongapo home I was welcomed by the dogs who hate me still and the ever friendly pastor and his family. This was probably not the best time for them to test my Tagalog skills by only speaking in Tagalog to me. I could barely speak English at this point. We decided a midnight feast was too tame. How about half past 3 in the morning? On the upside Kuya A cooked my favourite: tusino. The sweetened pork meat that was most comforting to go to bed on. Admittedly I only got to taking my shirt off… I slept the whole night with trousers and a belt. Another first… And a slightly uncomfortable one.

Day 9 1/12/16 (Thursday)

Posted on December 5, 2016 by ukekid99

Day 9 1/12/16 (Thursday)

I slept outside last night because it was a bit cooler and I was in the mood to see the sunrise. All was going well until 6am where a blast of noise erupted from the church next door (not affiliated with the college). A choir joined in and a very shouty pastor did too.

On the upside I had a friend join me this morning when I was writing my journal: A very nimble gecko shot past my foot and I spent 5 minutes chasing him round with my iPad camera. I finally got an okay picture for you guys… But he was fast.

15328249_1694197090910173_1032866883_n

The dorm lads and I sang carols around the ukulele. It was beautiful as we had musicians who could sing harmonies (alternate tunes that still somehow work). I actually wasn’t playing the uke for once, a dorm mate I taught was determined to make every song imaginable fit into 3 chords. C, F and G. To his credit he managed it for most of them.

At the conference today Session was 1 challenging. It discussed music and in particular the problems with contemporary Christian music. Something I listen to a lot. Hmm… Sorting out what music is acceptable to listen to in life might send me into therapy. I guess I’ll chat to others and see what they think as well. I made it through session 2, though I was nearly nodding off in the pews, warm and sleepy means a near guarantee of at least a small doze.

I went for a walk to the shops and now that I’m spending a bit more time roaming the streets of the Philippines (on my own) I notice a few things. I can say that if you don’t like being stared at because you’re white then don’t come here. Everyone does it. Staring isn’t considered rude here. Occasionally it does make me question whether I’m about to be mugged or something when you see a large group of twenty somethings all looking at you… But on the other hand you get a real sense of pleasure when some smiling street kids look up at you and say good afternoon. One kid and his buddy were riding past me on a bike and both of them turned around so far to keep me in sight that I feared they would crash and/or fall off. There is some unpleasantness on the streets, keep a sharp eye for the “mines”, a term coined for the dog poo littering the streets. There are a fair few strays, both cats and dogs, and both in sorry states occasionally but although I know I can’t magically wave a wand and make all this go away I can appreciate everything in Australia. I always considered myself to be a grateful person, however as grateful as I might have been, I could not grasp the extent of my blessings until I witnessed the streets and shacks of Quezon City. Enough gloomy stuff for now I think.

I’m starting to experiment with the Merienda (snacks) and the most prevalent form of this delicious Filipino culture is the bread. There are many Pan De Sol’s scattered around (bread places) and I’ve just finished off a bread snack which tastes of a particularly sweet pancake with a consistency of marshmallow. They’re about the diameter of a coffee mug and half as short, but let it be known here and now that the human cavity known as the mouth is capable of such marvellous feats as eating one in a single gulp.

Back at the college as part of the anniversary tradition the students and alumni play against the directors and apparently it is the once a year embarrassment that the directors have to endure. Luckily for me I snapped a rare photograph of Mr B (one of the directors) in basketball mode:

I was roped into playing in the first quarter against my will (I already knew the Filipinos were unbeatable). A shirt and sandals were not ideal to play in either…

After a quick dip shower (it always takes 30 seconds standing there with the water poised above your head thinking this is going to be quite a shock to the system…) and I was all set.

Set for what you ask? Funny… That’s exactly what I was wondering too.

One of my “brothers” from Myanmar offered to go for an evening stroll as he needed a hair cut and he decided to go monk style:

Before …and after. The lighting makes it appear that he spent a good few hours in a tanning bed as well 15310170_1694197320910150_1366821605_n (1).jpg

You know, just as I was writing this I heard my name called from below the balcony. Kuya Anthony, Ate Mich and Ate Janet have very kindly visited me to give me some new food to try. Just as you should use “Kuya” for an older male, “Ate” is appropriate for an older female. One of the foods was sticky rice pudding and here is a slightly artistic picture of it:

Notice that the nibble represents the incompleteness of sweetness in a persons life. The underlying themes of this artistic work highlight and emphasise themes of loss, despair and is a brilliant example of artistic nonsense.

Something else which has just occurred to me is that I’ve talked about Jeepneys and tricycles but I’ve never actually shown you guys a picture of them. So here you are:

I learnt some Tagalog in the evening while Sir Lem practiced his calligraphy (such an amazing hobby!) and then I prepared my luggage ready to travel back to Olongapo. But I actually do sincerely plan to go to bed early tonight. Sweet dreams to the rest of you.

Day 8 30/11/16 (Wednesday)

Posted on December 4, 2016 by ukekid99

Day 8 30/11/16 (Wednesday)

Today the Philippines celebrates a national holiday called Bonafacio day. It is to celebrate one if the Filipino’s who stood up against the Spanish rule. Today is the anniversary of his death.

After a 5:30am start I went on a 5km run with Sir Lem. I have to call him that but I always think he’s been knighted. We caught a jeepney with one of his friends and this jeepney was truly funky, it had shiny blue LED lights and Ariane Grande blasting from the subwoofer system. Jeepneys are completely unique and at the same time all the same. This jeepney clocked 80kmh in the absence of traffic and I don’t think I’ve travelled that fast since I’ve been here. The run took place at a 2.2km oval which surrounded a misty glade. Because of the holiday, hordes of people had turned up to fight in the noble but inevitable battle against our mortality. This run wasn’t actually too strenuous, we ran against the general flow and so I spent a good hour in a real life version of space invaders. Except I couldn’t blast the old Filipino lady with a laser gun, that’s just too mean. And I didn’t have a laser gun handy so….

Once back at the dorm I had my first dip shower which mostly involves pouring cold water over your head with a green plastic ladle. Surely I must be running out of new things to try here… It was actually a refreshing way to wash, a blissful escape from the humidity. However the light switch broke so I had to do all of this by torch light.

I prepared to go to the conference with the others, the sessions were interesting but I was even more tired than yesterday, in addition to that I became quite dizzy in the heat and I fear that I may have overdone it a little. Today was hot even by their standards, the difference being that the sun wasn’t hidden by the clouds as it usually is and so we had no protection today. I gave up and went back to the dorm to have a nap. Sir Lem came in just before lunch and we discussed dieting, exercise and motivation. He’s been a fantastic guy, taking care of me and showing me around.

Some of the boys arrived back at the house and together we created the ultimate Merienda
Lunch was something quite special, to me, I brought out the early Christmas gift….the toaster… It wasn’t my best toast, I had no real spreading knife, the peanut butter was a little oily, and the toast had a slight taste of ‘new toaster’. But by the powers… it was toast at last! It was scrumptious. And Filipino peanut butter tastes (at least to my palette) like it’s had a bit of honey added to it.

Some of the boys arrived back at the house and together we created the ultimate Merienda (snack). Chocolate spread on pineapple chunks. I’ve spent part of the afternoon lying outside typing away at my iPad, there is a rustling Filipino wind which is most refreshing. I’ve written my journal in some “off the beaten track places” but I’m currently in a suburb where my views look like this:

The schedule then read “piano lesson”. Given the limited time I have available to me it was more of a question-answer session including instruction on various techniques and how to form different chords. Normally I’d crave “hands on” type of practice and learning but this is the best use of the time I have.

I walked around the suburbs a bit with Sir Lem, exploring what there is to see and coming across a real supermarket (at last!), with the exchange rate being what it is I was more than happy to buy a packet of chocolate biscuits.

Finally I went to a 7pm prayer meeting at the college and that truly set me up for bed

Day 7 29/11/16 (Tuesday)

Posted on December 3, 2016 by ukekid99

My first whole week in the Philippines! Ta da! As a bit of a treat my body has finally adjusted to the slightly off time zones. Experienced travellers have told me that it’s actually more difficult to adapt to a timezone that is slightly out compared to one which takes your native clock, and practically turns it inside out. The thought being it messes up your routine just enough to make you fatigued but not enough so that you can easily just shift your sleep by a few hours. But, I’m alive now so let’s get on with the day.

My day was a little less chaotic today but not any less full. It’s the 31st anniversary of the bible college and so normal lessons are suspended. Instead there are conferences held that are compulsory to attend. Today focused on “right worship” and “wrong worship” and some very interesting commentary on the 10 commandments (number 2 is not a repetition of number 1). This lasted until 3pm and I was drowsy to say the least.

From here I settled into the dorm bedroom for 3 minutes before the Filipinos dragged me to a basketball game which is played 300m off the ground. Here in the Philippines basketball is considered to be the national sport. They have basketball courts in every imaginable location, including on the roof of the bible college. They have a cage on the roof which stops the slightly irritating “falling to my death after a failed slam dunk” scenario. When they play, they harness the spirit of Michael Jordan. I played for half an hour and even the older pastors ran rings round my clumsy attempts at ball snatching. Thoroughly thrashed I retreated to the dorm again to sort out the mess I had made when I first entered in.

I initially thought the dorm was in the bible college but it’s a couple of streets over and apparently I now walk confidently through Manila traffic. The key is insolence. Of course you look both ways first, but just assume you always have the right of way, the trouble starts if you’re hesitant and polite. Then people have no idea what to expect, the “me first” attitude is at least predictable.

Kuya A and I went out to the University of the Philippines to view a piano concert. The fact it was a music college was obvious as from behind the banisters and under the staircase came isolated blasts of trombone or mystic strains of Chinese drum practice. Everyone just practices all the time and absolutely everywhere. The concert itself was a lecture on the life and work of a Filipino composer called Dr Corneho. This was very special as his two eldest sons attended the lecture too. I learnt plenty of things and was thoroughly impressed by the playing which was both interestingly creative while using classically correct techniques. As Kuya A is undergoing a music major he has to attend a minimum of 15 concerts. As you can see:

Once I had thanked the performer for the evening’s entertainment (for some reason she thought I was French) Kuya A and I went off to find a spot of dinner. For the price of 50 cents I ordered this:

The Filipino cuisine is really not up there in terms of fame and popularity but their sweet meats are to die for. Simplicity is sometimes the tastiest option. When we had finished dinner and were still a bit hungry, but not enough for another full dinner we went Merienda hunting. Merienda is snack food and is part of the diet that Filipino society runs on. We chanced upon some meat filled breads as well as apple flavoured Spanish bread, but my latest new experience was orange juice in a bag…

Yep. In a bag. Some stores won’t actually sell you the bottle because they need to recycle them so badly. But it’s less bulky, very squishy, refreshing and designed to be drunk whilst walking. It gets a thumbs up from me.

Meanwhile I finally drew the short straw and found the insanest jeepney driver in the Philipines. He was singing while he swerved across 4 lanes of traffic! Singing I tell you! Filipinos make excellent Christians, I believe this is in part due to the amount of faith in God they need to make it through the traffic, they’d be confined to their bedrooms otherwise.

I also spotted a pair of teenage boys practicing with Escrima sticks in their front yard. The Filipino art of stick fighting is something I’ve had the pleasure to dabble in before, you wield a pair of (roughly) one-metre wooden sticks and whirl them around yourself to create a barrier between you and your opponent. Actually, now that I think about it I forgot to mention that they were for sale in the gift shop too. I nearly had a go but when one is surrounded by a thousand, very fragile looking and expensive souvenirs it is wise to exercise a little restraint.

Back at the dorm I got to know my fellow “brothers” I shared my life story, sadly it could be summed up in 1 minute 45 seconds. If I get reincarnated then hopefully I’ll do better next time. But the dorm guys are really nice, I stayed up to 11pm chatting with Kuya Jonathan and learning lots of Tagalog. It’s bed time now but I am ready to run tomorrow morning!

Day 6 28/11/16 (Monday).

Posted on November 30, 2016 by ukekid99

So I woke up in a panic at 2am after hearing a phone alarm or ringtone that was originating from the next room over. I hurriedly threw on my clothes and packed my bags just in time to see the time on my iPad. Sigh. Night night part 2.

My morning involved a lot of travelling so here is a short collection of my jeepney adventures:

The very first jeepney I rode in worried me slightly because I didn’t see the driver look at the road once. He drove perfectly but he was constantly counting his money and divvying up change to various passengers. I still don’t know how he did it without causing an accident. I do like how you can pay at any time during your trip though, it’s a trust thing.

Out in the country away from the city I was the only white skinned person. Hence the boy on the Jeepney who was staring into my very soul for the whole trip, yes… I am white…can we get past this and move on? No? Oh… Not at all? Okay, just keep staring then, go ahead. Fine. See if I care about being treated as a nothing more than an interesting painting. At least he wasn’t puking by my feet though, that honour goes to the drunk gentleman who perhaps had a wee bit too much to drink earlier in the day. Praise to the lord almighty it missed it by (In the voice of Maxwell Smart) that much. My unsoiled sandals and I departed the Jeepney and proceeded to the bus and the 3 hour trip that awaited us.

This may seem irrelevant but trust me it links up later. When learning a language its standard practice to teach that which is simplest first, your name, your age, counting a few numbers, but 9 times out of 10 it’s utterly useless. Well done, you introduced yourself. Now what?

Personally I think words appropriate for an emergency should be learnt first. This philosophy served me well today when the bus nearly drove off while Kuya A my sole companion was still in the bus stop bathroom (during a quick 10 minute stop in our very long trip). I barrelled to the front of the bus shouting “Teka Po! TEKA PO!”. Which means “Wait! Wait!”, so that piece of knowledge saved me from travelling on my own for 3 hours back into the densest city in the world (41,515 people per kilometre square), chances of being lost forever: pretty darn high. So for any traveller going to the Philippines here is a vocabulary list which is much more useful than “ano pangalan mo?” (What is your name?)

Tulong Po -Help

Para Po -Stop

Teka Po -Wait

Ako tungkol sa upang mayurakan sa pamamagitan dalawang metro robotic na elephant-I’m about to be trampled by a 2m high robotic elephant.

(Many thanks to Mrs B for the translating help!)

Po is used at the end of a sentence to make it polite by the way.

When we finally reached Manila we were spotted by Mr B and a grinning Master B. The 11 year old and I caught a tricycle back home, him chatting in Tagalog to the driver. From my point of view I find bilingual kids to be quite astounding.

Miss and Mrs B were quite happy to see me safe and sound except for the burn on my ankle which she prescribed some antiseptic cream for. Though as a matter of fact the petroleum jelly I had been using to soothe it had worked well over the last few days. As you can see it is much improved and not septic, Bonus.

The only other business scheduled in for the day was some shopping and decorating the Christmas tree. At the mall we coincidentally discovered a Krispy Kreme shop and after buying 18 glazed donuts the power of sugar coursed through our veins, raising resting eyelids, straightening sleepy spines and causing Master B to appear as a rocket on lift off. I was fortunate enough to go Barong shopping. Now here in the Philippines a suit is about as good idea as wearing a suit of armour. You will burn to death the moment you venture outside air conditioned lands. That being said, formality is part of the Filipino culture. The Barong is a formal embroidered shirt, there are varying degrees of formality, indicated by the sleeve length and the elaborateness of the pattern displayed.

My first Barong is for everyday wear and looks like this:

My second is much more formal and is suitable for church or other special occasions. Note that the Chinese style collar is a rare version of the Barong and is not a common feature.

By the grace of God alone I finally managed a Skype call with mum and dad, they miss me but are surviving. I had a wonderfully Christmas evening with a cup of wassail, a glowing Christmas tree and the sounds of Christmas opera music floating in the background. Decorating the Christmas tree was a hilarious affair as I questioned the theological purpose of hanging a Starbucks cup and Krispy Kreme logo on there… I sat the koala just under the star and here is the before and after: unnamed (2).jpg

As well as the slightly more ridiculous ornaments just to prove how American this Filipino Christmas was:

The B family also imparted unto me an early Christmas present. A toaster! I love them so much for that, I haven’t had any toast since I’ve been here (which breaks my 15 year streak). But no longer!

Before turning in at a relatively sane hour I had a sweet little time playing my ukulele, an old Hawaiian song this time, at least I brought along one friend form Australia. Tomorrow afternoon I believe I am moving into the college dorm. New experience number #error lost count: let’s rock and roll!

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